Will I Ever Be a Mom?

Receiving an infertility diagnosis can feel like the ground has been pulled out from under you. It’s a moment filled with grief, confusion, and uncertainty about the future. You may be wondering, What now? Where do I even begin? Will I ever be a mom? You may even be feeling and believing, “Infertility has ruined me.” These feelings are so overwhelming that it might feel like infertility has broken me completely. Truly, infertility has broken me, but there is hope.

I remember when I received my infertility diagnosis I was in complete shock. The doctor’s mouth was moving but my body felt frozen, as if I couldn’t even hear or process what he was saying. I looked over at my husband in disbelief, wondering if he was hearing what I was hearing too. Fight or Flight took over, and my body just wanted to flee as far away from my new reality.

Looking back now, I can now see that this was my body’s way of processing news that was traumatic and life altering. Infertility can feel like trauma and infertility sure is grief. If this resonates with you and you too just received the life altering diagnosis of infertility and are saying, “infertility has broken me,” then I have some words of encouragement for you as you process your diagnosis.

How To Deal With Infertility Grief

Give yourself permission to feel. Infertility is a deeply emotional experience. You might feel shock, sadness, anger, guilt, jealousy, or even numbness. There is no “right” way to process this news. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of what you had envisioned. Remember that your emotions are valid. This may look like journaling, praying and being completely honest with God about how you’re feeling. Ask him to meet you in your pain. God promises to draw near to the broken hearted, and as you draw near to Him his word promises that he will meet you in your grief.

Another thing you can do is talk to a trusted friend or a counselor who will listen without minimizing your pain. While you may be met with comments that aren’t helpful (goodness, I remember how annoying those were and only made me feel more alone in my infertility), but if you have even just one friend who is compassionate I encourage you to lean on her during this time.

If you do not have someone who understands, there are many support groups, Instagram accounts geared towards infertility, and Facebook groups that are filled with other women who are also processing infertility. Surrounding yourself with other infertility ladies can be so incredibly encouraging and validating! Honestly, this was probably what made ALL the difference for me in addition to just fully leaning on God. I met amazing women online who have now become lifelong friendships.

Questions About Infertility

Knowledge is empowering, but information overload can also be overwhelming. It’s okay to take things one step at a time. Learn about your specific diagnosis and treatment options (PCOS, Unexplained Infertility, Low Ovarian Reserve, Endometriosis, etc.). A book I found extremely empowering and helpful was, “It Starts with the Egg” by Rebecca Fett. Another book that was comforting and validating to how I was feeling was, “Mothers in Waiting” by Crystal Bowman. There are so many amazing books, podcasts, and resources that are out there for you right now that really can help you process this infertility diagnosis. RESOLVE is a national infertility support group that has groups that meet online and in person. They understand when you say, “Infertility has broken me,” they really do.

Emotional Impact of Infertility

Caring for your whole self: physically, emotionally, and spiritually can help you navigate this journey with resilience. Infertility can take a toll on your body and mind, so prioritizing self-care is essential. What you can do: Focus on nourishing foods that support hormone balance, engage in movement that feels good, whether that’s yoga, walking, or strength training, seek counseling to process emotions in a safe space with a therapist who specializes in infertility. Infertility has a way of impacting our relationship and beliefs about our own bodies. This is why I feel it is so important for you to nourish and be kind to your body during this time.

Infertility Grief Counseling

Infertility can strain even the strongest of relationships. You and your spouse may process this news differently, and that’s okay. Men often internalize, whereas us women may be a bit more vocal about how we’re feeling. Open, honest communication is key to staying connected. I encourage you to set aside time to talk about how you’re both feeling. Consider seeing a counselor who specializes in infertility and marriage support. This can really help you both stay connected during this time. Especially if you both feel, “infertility has broken me,” counseling can provide much needed support.

Hope In Infertility

Lastly, I want to encourage you to hold onto hope. Infertility doesn’t define you. While it may feel like it has broken you, it cannot break you completely. Your story is not over. Whether your path leads to conception, adoption, or another beautiful outcome, there is still purpose, joy, and love in your future. God sees your pain, and He is walking with you through it. God has put people in your life, and professionals like me who are here to walk with you as you process your infertility diagnosis.

Let’s Connect!

Want to connect? Have questions about counseling? Or ready to schedule an appointment? Email me directly to learn more about marriage counseling and infertility grief counseling. I’m a Licensed Mental Health Counselor located in Lake Mary, FL. After years of facing infertility and loss, I’m deeply committed to helping women find hope and healing through infertility and pregnancy loss. You do not have to walk this road alone! I’m here for you- from one fertility warrior to another!

• Infertility Mental Health Counseling: The Mental Health Effects
• Infertility Ruined My Marriage. Healing Together.
• Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Trauma Counseling
• Infertility Has Broken Me
• Adopting After Infertility