It’s said that having children is like having your heart walk around outside your body. If that’s true, it’s no wonder miscarriage feels like having part of your heart missing. No one talks about how the loss of a pregnancy can be constituted as “trauma.” But for those that have experienced a miscarriage, we would probably say that there was something traumatic about our loss. How can it be that 1 in 4 women have experienced a miscarriage and are often silently walking this world living in a body that has known both physical and emotional loss and trauma? How can it be that so many women are living with a grief that no one may have ever acknowledged or even known about? When I think of this reality it makes me wish I could bring all of us impacted by pregnancy loss together in one room and just embrace you with a hug and say, “I’m so sorry, your loss mattered, and your baby will always be a part of you.”

What Makes Miscarriage a Trauma?

I want to say that I understand that everyone’s experience with pregnancy loss is different and not everyone will describe their miscarriage as traumatic. However, I believe a miscarriage can qualify as trauma in several ways, not only because of the emotional and mental toll it takes, but also because of the suddenness, unpredictability, and sense of powerlessness it brings with it.

A Sudden Loss of Control

Miscarriage brings a loss of control. The loss often occurs abruptly, leaving women feeling helpless. The body’s inability to hold onto the pregnancy and the unpredictability of the situation can leave a woman with a sense of lost control over her body, her health, and her future. This feeling of powerlessness is a key characteristic of trauma.

Physical and Emotional Pain

The physical aspects of miscarriage can also be traumatic. Whether it’s the pain of cramping and bleeding, the emotional toll of seeing blood or passing tissue, or the need for medical intervention, the experience can be jarring and extremely painful. For some women, the physical pains of miscarriage become tied to memories of the event, leaving them with lasting physical and emotional pain. If you find yourself having flashbacks or unwanted memories of any part of your miscarriage, this is also a characteristic of trauma.

Feelings of Isolation

Miscarriage can leave women feeling alone, as if no one truly understands their experience. Often, friends, family, and even medical professionals may downplay the loss, offering superficial comfort or simply not acknowledging the depth of the grief. This lack of support can add to feelings of isolation, making the experience feel even more traumatic. The emotional isolation felt by many women after a miscarriage can exacerbate the trauma, as it’s difficult to process grief when you feel like no one understands.

Unresolved Trauma from Previous Losses

The body has a way of remembering previous losses or other traumas from the past. Maybe those losses or past traumas happened a long time ago and you’re thinking, “how can what happened in my childhood or adolescence have anything to do with my miscarriage?” But past losses and grief you’ve experienced in the past I believe will always impact any current losses or trauma. Processing your pregnancy loss with a trauma informed therapist (with an attachment theory lens) will help you see how any previous losses may be impacting you as you currently grieve the loss of your pregnancy.

Trauma Informed Therapy for Pregnancy Loss and Miscarriage

Miscarriage is both a trauma and a grief experience, one that can leave deep emotional scars. Understanding the dual nature of this loss can help women validate their feelings and process their grief in a healthy way. It’s important to recognize that healing from a miscarriage takes time, and that it’s okay to seek help, honor your emotions, and move through the grief and trauma at your own pace. Whether you just experienced your loss or whether it took place years ago, it is never too late to process your losses and to heal from the trauma that miscarriage may have brought to your heart, body, and soul.

If you’ve experienced a miscarriage, please know that you are not alone. The path to healing is personal, and with the right support, time, and self-compassion, it’s possible to navigate the emotional complexities of both trauma and grief. I’m here for you! Reach out today to schedule a free phone consult at christinamilazzocounseling.com

Other posts you may find helpful:

• Infertility Mental Health Counseling: The Mental Health Effects
• Infertility Ruined My Marriage. Healing Together.
• Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Trauma Counseling
• You Just Got the Infertility Diagnosis: Now What?
• Navigating the Adoption Journey: The Importance of Counseling for Couples After Infertility