Infertility Treatment and Mental Health

“Have you thought about adoption?” I remember early on in my trying to conceive (“TTC”) journey being told that more than once and to be completely honest, it infuriated me! I wasn’t ready to think about the possibility of never having my own genetic child just yet, and it seemed like everyone had a story about some distant relative who was battling infertility and finally became a mother through adoption, donor eggs, or ivf. Perhaps this is where you are too. Early on, or even years into your TTC journey and you’ve also heard all these well-meaning, yet still extremely annoying sentiments from others.

One of the hardest parts of infertility and the TTC journey is having to hear the relentless comments from others on what worked for Sally’s friend’s cousin, or Karen’s sister, or how you should just relax and have more sex, or go on vacation and then maybe then you’ll miraculously get pregnant too. Unfortunately, for many, it’s not that easy and getting pregnant can take a lot longer than expected.

Shame and Infertility

What many don’t know about infertility unless they have actually walked through it is that it brings with it a lot of shame. Women feel a deep sense of shame that their body cannot do what they feel it was made to do. I always described infertility as feeling like I was being bullied, except I had no way to defend myself because everything that was being spoken about my body was true and I was absolutely powerless to change it. When this shame is not processed and left unattended to it can grow and lead to symptoms of depression. It is so important for women to have someone they can express these feelings of shame with, without having to hear those well-meaning, yet hurtful statements on how there are other paths to motherhood.

Depression of not getting pregnant

Depression is characterized by feelings of worthlessness or excessive guilt, difficulty concentrating, changes in sleep, loss of interest in things you once enjoyed, depressed or down mood for most days of the week, fatigue and low energy, and in some cases suicidal thoughts. If you are going through infertility it is likely that you are currently experiencing many of these symptoms or you may in the future. Infertility counseling focuses on helping you treat your depression. You can learn practical coping skills and ways to improve your overall mood as you process your diagnosis, talk through your choices and consider your next steps to grow your family.

Loneliness of Infertility

When everyone around you is growing their families and you’re still trying month after month to conceive it can feel like you don’t fit in. Loneliness is among the biggest feelings women struggle with through infertility. It can be extremely painful to be surrounded by a group of moms but feel like you have nothing to contribute to the conversation. When you pursue infertility counseling you will be met with compassion and understanding. I was once one of those women too, and I’m here to help you feel less alone, while also providing you with resources to expand your support system to include other women who were also TTC, and who “get it.” It was such an encouragement to me to have other women in my life who understood infertility and pregnancy loss who could encourage me, pray for me, and just be there for me when the loneliness was strongest.