Remember When Life Felt Simpler?

I’m a proud Millennial. I was born in the 80’s and grew up in the 90’s- aka, the greatest decade to grow up in. Lately, I’ve found myself feeling nostalgic for childhood: the simpler days of landlines, TGIF, Saturday morning cartoons, sleepovers, Super Nintendo, Girl Talk, Nancy Drew, The Babysitters Club, Barbie, and Easy-Bake Ovens. I miss family gatherings with cousins and grandparents every weekend. I miss having my siblings and cousins close by. I miss the people who were here then but aren’t here now. And maybe you find yourself missing it all, too. Maybe you’ve even caught yourself wishing you could go back for just a little while.

Life just felt simpler back then. Maybe we’re not just missing the 90’s. Maybe we’re missing how we felt back then. Before life got so busy. Before we carried so much responsibility. Before we were constantly connected, comparing, and trying to keep up. Before we knew loss, heartbreak, and the harder parts of life.

As a mental health counselor who specializes in women’s mental health, particularly for women in their 40s, I’ve been noticing something about us 90’s girls lately. Women in their 40s are still showing up, getting things done, taking care of everyone, and functioning just like they always have. But underneath all that high functioning is often a woman who is tired, more anxious than usual, and realizing that her body and mind aren’t letting her push through quite as easily anymore.

Somewhere Along the Way, We Became the Strong Ones

Somewhere between the 90’s and now, we grew up. We became wives, mothers, professionals, caregivers, daughters watching our parents grow older. We learned how to make the appointments, remember the birthdays, manage the schedule, solve all the problems, show up for the friend, help the parent, keep the house running, and still get to work the next morning. We learned how to handle things, and we got really good at it.

We became capable, independent, responsible, and strong. The woman others could count on. I distinctly remember when I was a child hearing my dad say, “I don’t have to worry about Christina. She has a good head on her shoulders.” I wore my independence, my determination, and being “good” and responsible as a badge of honor.

Maybe you can relate to that too. Just because you can carry something doesn’t mean it isn’t heavy. Just because you’ve learned how to keep going doesn’t mean your body isn’t tired from all those years of being strong and responsible.

Maybe that’s part of what you’re feeling now. Women’s mental health in your 40s can look a lot like this- still functioning, still showing up, but finally feeling the weight of everything you’ve been carrying. It’s not that you’re falling apart, but that you’re finally beginning to feel the weight of everything you’ve been carrying: The children who need you, the parents who are beginning to need you, the relationships that require care, the losses you’ve experienced, and the responsibilities that never seem to end. Then there’s the expectations you’ve placed on yourself, the parts of your story you’ve learned to live with. Maybe your body isn’t failing you. Maybe it’s finally asking you to listen.

I Just Don’t Feel Like Myself Anymore

Many of the women I work with come into therapy saying some version of, “I don’t know why I feel this way. Nothing is really wrong right now.” And yet, their bodies are telling a different story. There’s the tightness in their chest, the feeling that they can’t quite catch their breath, the exhaustion that doesn’t seem to go away, or lying awake at night feeling completely worn out but somehow still wired. They may feel less motivated, less confident, or disconnected from themselves and even from the people they love. Eventually, often through tears, they say the words that seem to capture it all: “I just don’t feel like myself anymore.”

Maybe you know that feeling. We 90’s girls are good at functioning. We go to work, take care of our families, keep up with the endless list of responsibilities, and somehow squeeze in a workout when we can. We keep going because that’s what we’ve always done.

But here’s what I’m learning, and what I want you to know: just because you’re functioning doesn’t mean you’re okay. Sometimes you’ve simply gotten really good at carrying things that have become too heavy to keep carrying alone..

Your Body Is Telling a Different Story

For years, you may have been able to override your body. You could run on little sleep or or push through a stressful week.
You could recover from a long day, take care of everyone else and somehow keep going. Your body was just something you expected to cooperate.

Now a late night can leave you exhausted for days. A stressful season seems to linger in your body. Your sleep may be lighter or more disrupted, your energy isn’t as predictable, your body may ache more and recover more slowly. These days it may feel like your days off filled with nothing but doctor appointments.

If you’re entering perimenopause; hormonal changes can add another layer to all of this. You may notice changes in your sleep, mood, energy, anxiety, or ability to tolerate stress. Suddenly, the things you used to push through don’t feel quite so easy to push through anymore. I’m a fellow 90’s girl, and that 2pm crash is no joke, and those 3am wake ups where my brain just decides it’s time to think about the most random things? Yeah, that’s super fun too. (Side note: LADIES, get your hormones checked! Perimenopause can last over ten years, and getting those hormones checked can be the greatest thing you can do for your mental and physical health this year).

When “Just Manage Your Stress” Isn’t That Simple

If you’re a woman in your 40s, there’s a good chance you’ve heard a doctor tell you that you should probably “work on your stress.” And if you’re anything like me, you’ve probably smiled, nodded, and thought, Easier said than done, Doc. Here’s what I’m learning in my 40’s: our bodies don’t lie. They are speaking to us and telling us a very important story.

I remember sitting with my functional medicine doctor around the age of 40 when she told me that my body had been living under prolonged stress. She used the term “adrenal fatigue,” which honestly made me think, “What the heck? How could that be?” I had so many blessings. Life was good. I was functioning. I didn’t feel stressed all the time. And hello, I’m a mental health counselor. I literally talk about stress management and coping skills for a living. And yet, here I was, realizing that my body was forcing me to pay attention to the very things I encouraged my clients to pay attention to.

By 41, I was dealing with hormonal changes, a back injury that wouldn’t seem to heal despite trying everything, and a body that was making it pretty clear that I couldn’t just keep pushing through.

And maybe you’ve experienced something similar. After years of managing responsibilities, caring for everyone else, anticipating problems, and putting our own needs on the back burner, it can be easy to lose touch with how much we’re actually carrying. Add changing hormones, disrupted sleep, parenting, work, relationships, grief, and aging parents, and eventually you may find yourself wondering, “Why do I feel this way when nothing is really wrong?”

Maybe nothing is wrong with you. Maybe your body is simply asking you to slow down and pay attention to what you’ve been carrying.

Your Nervous System Is Tired

Maybe nothing is wrong right now. Your life may actually be pretty good. But your body has a history. It remembers the years of stress, the grief, the uncertainty, the relationships, the responsibilities, and the things you had to survive. It remembers the seasons when you had to keep going because there simply wasn’t time to stop and process what you were feeling.

And sometimes, when your capacity is already stretched thin, your body starts communicating what your mind has been able to override for years. You may feel more anxious, more overwhelmed, more tired, or more emotional without being able to point to one specific reason. That doesn’t mean you are broken. It doesn’t mean you are losing your mind. It certainly doesn’t mean you’re weak. It may simply mean your nervous system is asking for something you’ve spent years learning to push aside: safety, rest, connection, and care.

Maybe Your Body Remembers What Your Mind Has Moved Past

This is what I’m learning in my 40s: healing isn’t always about learning another coping skill or figuring out how to push through the next thing. Sometimes the missing piece is taking the time to honor what we’ve lived through and what our bodies have been carrying all these years: the unresolved grief we didn’t have time to feel, the losses that changed us, past trauma, the relationships that hurt, and the seasons we had to be strong. The younger versions of ourselves who learned how to survive before they ever had the chance to fully process what was happening. I think there is something powerful that happens when we stop asking, “What’s wrong with me?” and start asking, “What have I been carrying?”

Why Are We So Nostalgic for the 90’s?

Maybe that’s why you find yourself longing for the 90’s more than you expected. Maybe you miss your childhood, your family being together, having a village, or simply feeling known and cared for. Maybe you don’t miss the decade as much as you miss how you felt during that season of your life.

Sometimes nostalgia asks us to slow down and notice what’s underneath it- the losses, disappointments, changes, and grief that come with growing older and realizing some seasons are behind us.

By your 40s, you’ve lived enough life to know that not everything can be fixed or avoided. We’re watching our children grow, navigating changes with our parents, and becoming more aware of how quickly time moves.

Maybe you don’t really want to go back. Maybe you’re longing for what that season represented. Sometimes nostalgia isn’t about wanting your old life back. It’s about acknowledging what you’ve loved, what you’ve lost, and what your heart needs now.

You Don’t Need to Get Your Old Self Back

Maybe our 40’s aren’t asking us to become the girl we used to be. Maybe these are the years inviting us to slow down, listen to our bodies, honor our stories, and finally give ourselves permission to heal the parts of us we’ve spent years learning to live with or push through. You’ve handled a lot. Maybe it’s time to stop measuring your strength by how much you can carry and start paying attention to what you’ve been carrying for all these years. Maybe your body isn’t failing you. Maybe it’s finally asking you to listen.

If you’ve been reading this and thinking, “This is me,” you don’t have to keep trying to figure it all out on your own. I’m Christina Milazzo, a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in Lake Mary, Florida, and I specialize in working with women through the emotional and relational challenges that can come with this season of life. Together, we can make sense of what you’re experiencing, understand the patterns beneath it, and work toward feeling more grounded, connected, and like yourself again. You’ve spent years being strong and showing up for everyone else. Therapy can be a place where you don’t have to carry it all alone.

Women’s Counseling Lake Mary FL

My name is Christina Milazzo, a fellow mellenial woman who grew up in the 90’s (the best decade ever). I am a licensed mental health counselor located in Central Florida. My approach is about more than teaching another set of coping skills. Together, we can slow down, understand what’s happening beneath the surface, honor what you’ve carried, and work toward meaningful change so you can feel more grounded, connected, and whole. I offer in-person counseling in Lake Mary, FL, as well as online therapy for women throughout Florida. If you’re ready to stop simply pushing through and start understanding what you need in this season, I’d love to help. Reach out to schedule a free 15 minute consultation.

Helpful Resources for my fellow 90’s Girls Who Want to Take Steps Towards Healing Their Nervous System

• The Body Keeps the Score
• Try Softer
• Try Softer Guided Workbook
• Magnesium Glycinate (my favorite natural sleep support)